I Got This

I got quite a handful of phone calls from either mom or my eldest sister in the past couple of weeks. Things are not really pretty there, each of them would give me the (heartbreaking) news. Here are a few things that I've missed while I was caught up with my own life on this island:

Someone broke onto the house and stole mom's mobile.

• Mom visited her older sister's at a hospital in Medan for two nites. She is at the early stage of Stroke.
• Nenny, my second older sister, is still on medication for her feet.
• A few (more) deaths updates.

It must be very devastating for her, having such a close and strong bond with her older sister, mom said on the phone that she feels like betraying her for having to leave her at the hospital for taking care things back home in Sibolga.

"She's literally not herself," mom explains on the phone two nights ago, "Once she was not aware she is at a hospital and blurted out sentences in a sad way. I cannot make out the words she tried to say. She gets easily angry."

"What should I say to your grandma, oh.." she trailed off then senses my worry, "hope she will get thru this, Jerry. The doc said she doesnt get any internal bleeding on her temple."

For the next two nights after that phone call, I couldn't get myself to sleep well. The idea of more death in the family is kind of unbearable.


Renata called me last nite, this time she didn't get anything much to deliver, "I got bored with the TV and just talked with mom. She was not talkative. They're on the bus and will be home by tomorrow morning."

She was not that talkative that evening either. She went silence sometimes while I gave him a please-hold-on-this-ain't-take-that-long smile. I was sitting on a lobby of a German-Jewish friend last nite, the cottage looked nice in the evening and it was our first meeting since our previous messages on the phone.

"Mom will be Okay, hopefully," I said on the phone in Bahasa with a thick Sibolgan accent, "maybe she just doesnt want to talk much about anything at the moment. Give her sometime."

It was thirty seven minutes past ten and our conversation with Jeff about Yoga and stuffs got interrupted with helpless yawns from each of us. S, my housemate who drove me there, paid a full attention with a puzzled look on his face tried to make out what we were talking about. The small group of White ladies got up from their wooden chairs and said nitey nite to each other and threw us kind smiles.

"She's from the mainland (USA) while the other three are Australians," he voluntarily explained, "how's your day?" he asked to the tall Blondie  woman in white attire.

He's pretty well-acquainted with some, er, most of other guests. He invited me over to see his rehearsal with his Yoga partner/student of whom he sent out from Hawaii to perform Yoga+Acrobatic dance for the upcoming Bali Spirit Festival.

"I guess I should let you take some rest before your rehearsal tomorrow morning," I said and smiled at him. It is going to be a long day for him and I might bump into him on the last two days of the festival when we'd do some coverage. He was kind enough to offer me a free pass.


It has been a slow yet long week at work. The washing machine was broken and is still at the repair shop for almost a week now so last nite before I throw myself to the bed, I promised would handwash the piled-up undies.


I also told myself that when all sucks and things taste funny in my tongue, it's about the damn right time to recount what small things I should smile about. Sitting tight on the backseat of the scooter on the way to work this morning, I had a hard time to be really in the moment and take in all the beauty of a sunny fresh morning air along the way through the villages. Nevertheless, I tried to smile, once.

And keep on wearing that tiny little line of forced warmth smile until I finally able to feel it.

For Real

The Saturday meet-up didn't happen. I shrugged off my disappointment with an almost whiteout smile neatly drawn from my lips. I'm not a freaky believer of everything-happens-for-a-reason shit but I do believe everyone has their own reason to opted out the agreed plan. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, that was the least thing I could do because I was more of tired and sleepy than angry or sad.


When he calls back, I will take a listen.

We finally found some moment to meet last Tuesday. As I had guessed, he is extremely a very nice, friendly, and positive-minded fella!

It's all worth it. I'm glad for having another precious new friend to share my thoughts and all with.

A big shoutout goes to Daz. Can't wait to see ya this April!

Foo(L)tage

A while ago when everyone was occupied with the preparation of some work at the office and I was obviously carried away with the XL works. The rumblings, the talks from the other room finally distract me.
Laughter.
Words were sucked onto the thick concrete wall and the curiosity dragged me to the room.

They were sitting around the small video camera, I peeked in and in a matter of a few second of stare, I recognized it was a footage from Komang's wedding. I stood behind and my eyes followed the scenes of what appeared to be myself eating meal. It lasted for what seemed to be five minutes. Of me munching on the food in a deadpan expression.

"What is THAT?"

"It's you. Eating," one of them noncahalantly answered.

"For that long?" I let out an uncomfy laugh, "I mean," I laughed again and shrugged the rest of the sentence. I just felt silly.

Look at You now.

This note was written two nights ago.

So I heard the news, watched how they carry themselves.

She went on describing the lasted development while I sank deeper onto the couch, silent and occasionally looked up at the ceiling to distract myself from any chance of anger or annoyance.


It's stupid, I thought.

I'm over it, I said to her though my head was turned to another side of the room. She knew what I meant so she gave me the concerned look, I'ma take the same action, she said.

No, that won't be necessary. At all. 

She looked even more concerned, her face now has shown hurt, too. I mean, they will need you to be around,  I stopped and gave her a nod, And you know that for sure.

I smiled again at her, wanted to convince her that everything is gonna take a right turn even if it would cost unspoken outrage from those less courageous hearts.  We sat there for another ten minutes burned down our own words inside our minds.

I'm just dead curious what is really going on had there decision been made. She gave me that shutupalreadynow look. None of it would change my respect and all. 

I watched her gone thru the front door, head fell down as if it was unbearable. Unfixable.

I spare myself some hopes, retreated to my old happy self and took a listen to some song from the itunes until I realized I have been staying up sitting outside the balcony upstairs in the dark alone since seven pm. Maybe I could get some sleep, 03:00am.

As happy as I could managed, I jumped out of the bed at six before the sweeping falling leaves polished the innocent morning.

Phone call 13/02/2011

 

I went to bed very early last nite after had a short chat with Servaas who is currently traveling in Iran. I like his gut and his endless passion for airplanes plus choices of lands to travel.Bed.  Hit all the lights off inside and let the Psych marathon on Justin TV. I did sleep in the first 40 minutes before the mobiled that was buried under the pillow rang twice. It was mom and I was not really in a talkative mood so I slept there in my back, felt the guilty in the darkness as the ring ceased.

I touched my stomach and laid the right hand rested on it while my left scrapped my temple. The Dangdut music from the radio has been on since early in the morning from the guest room, I followed the few minutes in full attention, felt nothing in particular.

The phone rang again, it was 10:16 pm.

A burst of laughter on the background then soon Renata's voice took over the speaker, 'Hello brother, how you doing?' she continued to laugh, 'Mom tried to call you earlier, here's she is.'

They all are in my late dad's hometown, Nenny came along which relieved me, ' We arrived this afternoon and everyone's practically has arrived,' Mom sound enthusiast. Renata was talking with some people behind her and boy, it sure sound like a very merry reunion.

A wedding on Valentines day, how cool is that?

Mom went on naming close relatives and some unfamiliar names who are staying at the house of late uncle. I tried to imagine how the house looked like in that time of the year, 'It looks so much nicer and clean after the renovation,' mom reported.

'I thought you all are sleeping at Uda's house,' I said while wished I could be there with them. The short walk each morning and evening down the misty road to the clothing optional natural hot spring is what I miss the most.
'I can surely boiled an egg or two!' I joked when I joined the group of naked men in the swimming area, laughed at my cousin who by then was still in middle school, stared at my pale naked skin with stupid grin plastered on his face.

Starvation is usually the next thing after a long swim and bath, shivered inside the jacket, we would sing in the dark, a Batak song or gospel song which always trailed off unfinished. Playing with the smokey breath, we would run as we got closer home, fixed us some coffee and waited for the homemade old-time cookies.

No fancy foods yet every single simple-ingredient food, no matter how salty or spicy they are, feel so special in that cold village.

'Um, why are you so silent?' mom suddenly asked. I was already sleeping was my smartest excuse, 'so what are you doing now? she asked.

'Sleeping?' I answered and heard she laughed.

She is happy.

'Hey wanna talk to your brother ********? she asked. A question of marriage and job would ensue so I stopped mom before she even called out for him who was in the room with his kids, 'Mom, please no. I mean, just say my hi to them all, I think I'd catch up some sleep now, tomorrow will be a long day at work.'

She said okay and right before she said goodbye I heard Nenny's voice in a distant, 'Is she getting better, mom?'

She is.

With a content heart, I said I love her and let her hang up first.

Phone call 6/02/2011

She tried to call at noon, twice. I curled up, buried my face with the pillow, yawned multiple times, stretched out my hands under the thick white blanket, tried to give myself more reason why I should get out of the bed. And the lunchtime was over.

It's Sunday, I excused myself yet it did not sound right.

The slightly opened doors to the porch showed the part of a gloomy weekend, no much noise from the house, where's everybody at?

The Fragrance of the Rainy Season Part II

I'm finding my own way to get along with the weather, um..literally means I ain't sick worry of getting myself soaked wet on the way either to work or home-because it turns out to happen alot since I returned from Singapore. The shared rain coat which mainly goes for one person only i.e. the one who rides the scooter (it will never not be me, for the time being) cannot save me either.

Last Friday the dark cast of clouds allover the sky stood still with the mildly bright sunset on the far west, we were riding the scooter at a moderate speed, the strong wind alarmed us to be more cautious of another riders or drivers on the small asphalt road that slices neatly the newly planted paddy fields.
Five minutes went by and the dark clouds aggressively joined forces to cover the whole sky...I wrapped my hands on my shoulders, embraced the nature's thirst for some pouring rain.

We pulled over under the big Ficus benjamina (Beringin) tree across the community temple. I took off my shoes, socks, and Grey jackets, put them onto the backpack, gave S a nod to said I was ready.

He let out an impatient sigh before started the motor and soon put some speed, I did not protest.
I felt the wet thigh of mine, the fading Blue jeans got heavier and it became colder around me, 'We're alrite,' I comforted myself, looked on either side of the road hoping for some small entertainment from the faces of the locals along the road.

S hit the break all of a sudden, a thing I've got used to as an addition to his sudden hit on the gas. Both palms held tight on the back of the seat, I caught his hearty laughter which sounds more like a nervous expression. I tapped him on the shoulder and for no particular reason...laughed along with him.

Our laughter roared louder as a motorcycle from another direction rode fast and ill-humoredly unintentionally splashed the dirty stream of rainy water in our direction and they stayed up in the sky for a while, reminded us that simply being living in the moment and taking it gratefully always makes things better.

It's 10:27 pm, the lively songs from the crickets and frogs celebrating the timid rain and afar Hindu prayer song from a speaker become my company for Saturday night.  Lying on my back on the sandy beach would be just perfect with some bottle of beers and streams of people around me would be just perfect but i'll save that for indefinite later.

This is pretty decent, though.

I'ma grab a beer downstairs and listen to some Love songs from the itunes. Have a listen to one of my favorites below.

17 - Asher Book - Someone To Watch Over Me.mp3

Found at: FilesTube

Have a pleasant Saturday (:

This post might cause nausea or seasick, or just a total boredom

These are basically some random notes which I took on my stained notebook while I was on three-night business trip to Singapore last week. Remember, they are random and essentially has no much points.

The Flight to Singapore has been the most impressive flight I've ever had due to the dramatic hectic sudden airplane switchover thanks to the volcanic activities on Java island which forced Qatar Airways first made a phonecall apologizing for the cancellation of the flight, 'I will contact you later with further development,' the Qatar dude said on the phone. I was standing with feet slightly apart holding the end of my jeans' zipper with one hand and the mobile on the right one; the pee couldnt relieved me anymore, 'Great!' I responded, 'Thanks for the phone call, and yes, next time you call me, make sure it'll put me at ease,' I flushed and hang up the phone.

I washed my hands and walked out of the rest room of the shopping mall. From the corner of the exit area I saw O's expression, he was on the phone. I approached him and said, 'I know. I am sorry, this is so uncalled for.' He looked at me with a puzzled face, 'Yes, Qatar staff called me, too.' I explained.

He has set up some meetings in Singapore, everything has been scheduled.

He went to the reflexology shop while K, U, and I went to Carrefour to buy some items. Somehow, I had a good feeling it would turn out okay. And it did. Within 20 minutes or less, the same dude called me again with another office number asking where was I.

'If you can make sure you can arrive at the airport and run right away to Garuda check-in counter,' he said in a happy voice, 'I can put you to Garuda flights early this evening.'

I assured him I would be there before 6.30 pm and I have another two fellow passengers to fly with me.

I asked for his name again and the Garuda staff name I'd see which I forgot as soon as I ran out of the shop and asked everyone to hit the road right away. He didnt send me a written flight swicthover notification text message that he agreed to send.

5 pm is surely a rush hour, the cars moved hesitatingly slow, I could smell panic and impatience in the heating yet air-conditioned car.

We arrived 4 minutes late yet we were the first Qatar passengers to be there, reserved for seats and aboard with some KLM and Garuda passengers at 8.20 pm flight.

As we were about to land in Singapore, the flight circled the sky three times for whatever reason. 'It'd be nicer if they give us this free sky view treat during the day,' I joked, U replied with a weak yawn.

-------

Awkward.  I am not a much talker when I am on a plane or a long bus drive. I'd grab a magazine or an old novel from my rack or recently, the iPod for a rescue.
I was hoping the seat on my left is indeed unoccupied, and I was glad U was voluntarily adjusted his seat for sleeping.  The plane was still waiting for some passengers and there she was...a large-built lady with her European complexion lifted both of her arms to the overhead compartment, sat down on the seat and smiled at me.

'Phew!' she greeted me. And it was the beginning of a rather pleasant long conversation. She's one of the most talkative people I've ever met-and I mean it in a good way. She confided me her journey to Bali islands, her fulfilling joy of sponsoring two poor Balinese kids and her okayish feelings for being a single fifty-something lady. She talked about her past (only one) marriage and her live in North America, and finally came clean with her current financial situation.

'This is a typical Dutch-speaking English accent,' she said when I commented she doesnt sound British nor American. I tried to recall how Servaas or Sjoerd or Cornè sounds like. Failed.

Her built/look and her strong personality reminds me of my beloved landlady in Medan during my univ years. A strong lady with a wonderful heart.

To my surprised, the conversation lasted for two and a half hours! Well, most of the time I was the good listener and she occasionally threw some question which I answered briefly. When we parted our ways,  none of us were bothered to ask for each others' email or number. Next time I bump into her in Bali or somewhere else, I'd run to give her a bug hug.

-------------

First nite at the hotel.
Bummed out to know the internet is not free.
Big chain hotel sucks.
Wait, the standing bathtub looks cool. At least there's mirror LCD TV  in front of it.

----------------

Didnt sleep well but whatever.
We went to Cathay Cinema,  we chose to watch the Green Hornet basically because it was the only 3D movie that was playing. O's next pick was Burlusque which I replied with a 'nah.'
I laughed my ass alot, U who sit on the far left couldnt get some of the jokes. Anyway, the movie is an average comedy flick, the Easy A is alot lot lot funnier.

Scheiße, I haven't spotted any cuties around.  Major boredom around Orchard road.

--------

I'm not easy to satisfy when it comes to food. Fine dining doesnt mean anything when you cannot get the real good taste of the food, no?

We sat down at the square table, the room was dimly lit and Chinese looking customers dominated the tables though I bet not all of them are locals. It was one of the Italian restaurants in town that was recommended by the Philipino friend's of O.  I decided to get spaghetti  and a small salad.


They tasted Bland. Like those food at a Japanese restaurant.


The Filipino friend told us the local govt advised the restauranteurs to put a healthy dose of ingredients in every single food they serve to encourage Singaporean gets healthier body, 'Look around, you can see more and more slim Singaporean women nowadays,' he gladly explained.


'And the food everywhere has stale taste for good, eh? I joked, 'I mean, you cant expect any good food around here anymore.'


That is an extreme measure of govt effort if I may say, hopefully what he said isn't true. 

-------

It was my first time to Universal Studio Singapore.
Someone was in a bad mood today. Failed to cheer U up, at least he did scream out of fear when we took a ride to whateveritnamed Egyptian in-house rail. When we walked out, the photo-for-sale was ready outside, I looked at it with a sick humor, I was closing my eyes, mouth wide open, head rested on U's right shoulders while he looked hid his fear in what look like a sitting dead body. 


'Eleven dolla,' the Chinese girl said. 


'I don't take that home,' I said and left the decision to U who then just smiled and thanked her.


The Waterworld show was mediocre except the great boobsgirl who is a seriously fierce and fearless beauty. 


And the other thing I could remember of that day is that I had a chocolate ice cream on the way out, wished the theme park was better.

Again, no much hotties around. I spotted two, with their girlfriends. Bummer.

---------

It was crazy.
My first visit to Batam consists of 40 minute fast ferry each trip, a half an hour meeting at a film company compound, and five minute visit to a red-soiled under-construction building site next to a lush golf course.


I could only saw more Singaporeans around the hotels and on the harbor, flash floods on the road, the rain and trees that looked so familiar like those from my hometown.

-------

I started to LIKE Singapore!!

It's a few hours before my departure at Changi, alone. I wish  I could stay longer, catch up with some friends like  Chance who might not be able to meet up.


It's raining. Awesome.

---------

Changi airport is cold as always. I took a seat in front of the three booths that offers free Chinese Caligraphy paper cuts, word paints, and sampling food. Many enthusiasts Westerners around. 

Spotted a cutie whom I assume to be a straight dude. 

Checked facebook and read, 'Now you get the WTF eyes,' from Chance.

Why there's so many old, real OLD Singaporeans are working as cleaning service around the country? This is bothering me. 

--------

White Noise = Snoozefest

I assume everyone sort of able to define what Sleep is which is speculated to be important for recovery, the immune system, and learning. While the functions of sleep remain not well understood, one thing is clear: sleep is essential for survival. Sure, you knew that alrite and it's OK if you rolled your eyes with the commonly known thing above.

Then there's this term called Sleep hygiene.
If you got another two minutes for a fast fact reading, click on the underlined words.

Basically I don't have a serious issue with sleeping yet there are times when Chris Rice, Lara Fabian, or Bach cannot drag me to dreamland, instead, the music or the lyrics dance around in my head that, somehow, I unconsciously stay awake listening to them song. They work sometimes, though.

Last nite I tried something new, a thing named White Noise which I've read/known from last year without any slightest interest in giving it a try.  I used the online music from Sound Sleeping and picked Flute Song, Ocean, Rain, and Cricket sounds. For the rest of the night. It was still a few minutes past eight but they indeed got me slept soundly just like that!

Woke up at six, started the day with a good feeling warms up and worked my hand around the dumbbells. And hell yess, tomorrow is already weekend! Parfait!!

The internet is a wonderfull thing

That was a direct quotation from Johan.

The email only says one short line:
'Hi there Jerry.'

I looked at the screen for a while, it was my sick day though I was not literally THAT sick, it was merely a sore allover my body, a migraine head, and heavy eyeballs like them eyes were going to popped down in any minute.  I have been attempting to replying emails from work, another few emails from friends, and from Facebook. By the time I re-read that email, I was on the verge of continuous yawn and shift sitting positions.

He was online alrite and responded to my reply less than a five minutes later, not only described he knew me from Facebook but also provided his face pic, a warm smile and a sweet face.

He asked if I have girlfriend. That makes me wonder if he is aware he is trying to establish a friendship with a gay Asian man. Most importantly is whether he is gay like me.

I spare the curiosity for later, wrote back with sufficient answers to his previous get-to-know email.

Anyway, my only expectation is that we can simply stay in a good terms of friendship. South Africa is quite far for a possible crush, no? LOL

He Okayed to chat with me later tonite, looking forward to finding out more about him and his life in that continent.

DPS - CGK

I heard the noise of the raging wind scrapping harshly on the think darkish helmet, given by Ibu Sri, dusty and all out of the storage cupboard of hers.

’It’s the seven-o’clock flight,’ I replied, Komang has just got home f rom a long ride from Denpasar and due to the insufficient time and the usage of a car couldn’t get me run to the check-in counter at the airport on-time, I asked of his motorcycle ride.

’Why didnt you buy a flight for tomorrow?’ He responded, he must be tired from whatever he’d done throughout the day but then, being the awsomeness that he is, he sighed and said,’Alright, I’ll be waiting at home.’

He raced thru the cars, fought his way  against another slow riders, left me sat nervously behind him with one hand held tight on the back of the motorbike yet knew we would be there alright, or at least, would just be late for ten mins or something.

I had no much time to put the toothbrush and another imprortant items,  a clean V-neck tee shirt, an underwear and the Grey sweater would be okay.

The flight is delayed until five minutes before eight in the evening so I can sit back for a while.

That is my Say-whaaaat!! dance.

Life gave me lemonade and I can’t imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
I’m a sucker for happy endings...

She was still on the other line, let out some good laugh, one of the beautiful music to my ears which i always expect to hear when we are feeding each other news and all.

'Yes, next time to come home,' the trails of the last joke were thick in her motherly voice, 'Bring me a Camcorder.'

'A what?' I asked her, borrowed her thick Sibolgan accent, 'Are you serious mom?' I said after I picture her holding one recording all of us sitting deep into the old set of chairs in the living room, making funny faces.

'And your sisters want a laptop,' she went on, made me fell silent in disbelief, 'they have been talking incessantly about the Facebook thing.' I could hear Renata and Nenny were talking on the background, or was it from the TV?

'Mom, please,' was my only respond, wish I could just afford to buy them

Silent.                         Awkward.

Then the next thing I heard was hysterical laughter from three women that have been making my life more colorful-from the distance. I'd had only met them twice a year when i was in univ, once a year after graduated, I haven't visited them for almost two years now.

'Okay, probably you  need to talk to your sister,' mom said. The mobile soon captured the noise of the evening wind, 'he's waiting,' I heard mom spoke to one of them.

'Don't take it seriously, brother,' a voice spoke out after she cleared her throat, got over with the burst of laughter, 'We were kidding when we told mom about the  need for the laptop.'

Renata went on with the tale of Facebook. A cousin of ours had a long talk over the phone last New Year telling I look a lot fatter better, and she knew how I'm doing from my Facebook photos and updates I-which I hardly update, yes, I have two accounts, one for univ alumn+friendsfromthepast+families and another one which I actively use.

She soon changed the topics and we talked for another ten minutes, mostly recalling  our family happy times.

'Do you wanna talk to Nenny?' 

I wanted and I knew she would say no. She's one of the few who doesnt see phone call defines a real communication. 

I laughed and waited till someone took over the other line, 'Just say my hi to her.'

They were in such a good mood and I need to see them stay humorous and at ease. Mom no longer goes to the morning market reselling the fish. Nenny still has the food-allergic, and mom is still highly expecting Renata to get married soon.

And life will just get better.

It could've been done the other way.

Saturday evening had the shivering cold air partly because of the rain earlier that day. Seminyak was getting busy as it always is on any given evening. The small roads which will merely called dead-end alleys in Sumatera packed up with cars lined up on both of the roadsides, blanketed with scooters and motorcycles in between, greedily stole every possible unoccupied spots.

Ud grew desperate as we now drove quite far from the bar, we almost reached the few hotels near the beach when tone of the valet guys who had been stood in the dark of the unlit shops blew off his whistle, sent out some typical body language for park-on-this-spot. I smiled either because we finally could save another ten minute from slow riding aimlessly or simply because of the idea it was the first gay day out of SL with us. He is a self-proclaimed straight man with a funny laugh and admirable keenness in cleaning up things like doing the dish,  mopping the floors, and all. He works in a rather slow motion, washing three glasses can be done in 10 minute, cooking fried noodle and scrambled egg can keep him 40 minutes.

Earlier that evening while we were having dinner, Od did an unexpected thing when SL jokingly asked him about me and why am i still single.

'You didn't tell him?' Od asked me, I knew what he meant but I asked him anyhow, 'Told him what?'

I dont need to wear a label on my forehead or telling everyone that I am gay and ask them to deal with it. What the fuss? It is not Rabies or AIDS that I should tell and warn everyone so they could take a precautions.

He pulled his chair closer to SL and said he'd tell everything, 'He deserves to know, you dont need to lie.'

'I'm outta here,' I raised to my feet and smiled at him, 'I will leave you guys at it.'

I went outside toward the smoking friends who were talking about reincarnation. A Balinese friend tried to articulate his belief while two Swiss friends tried to be not offensive pay some attention.
I looked at them in utter disinterest, looked around, 'Dude, Can I come with you?!' I wanted to pat on the shoulders of a very attractive White man who rode his motorbike slowly a few inches from me.

I don't know how SL real reactions about the whole things, not that i feel bothered or concerned at all, I just hoped it couldve been done in my own way.

With little awkward smiles and laughter,  he seemed okay when he sat cozily at the bar with his first beer.

Whatever he feels, I think all is just fine.

The Easy A, that is.

 

Finally could laid on my back cozily and feasted my eyes on the one of the most entertaining hilarious good-feeling movies ever. It reminds me of my long lost desire for Penn Badgely and all of his charms. He is my kind of boyfriend material, True Story. And Emma Stone simply killed it.

P.S. Great! Now I can't stop thinking about Penn Badgely.

Fucking Perfect

What's it going to be when it does not feel that frightful anymore?

When changes come after a considerably significant event took place in unexpected moments, I take a few moments to take it all in, silently. Avoid the distractions the world has to offer, collect the necessary facts and factors, decipher the whole possible unspoken/unwritten/buried details that might have been kept from me on purpose.
And most of all, try to see it and the related issues from two sides. Who do I feel and how s/he might feel, what's my loss would be, what his/hers.
Before I foolishly let myself carried away with unworthy sentiment, I write them all down in Black and Red...avoid justifying myself.


Had unpleasant feeling last night, been sensing something is not right but I kept a straight face, hoped for the better, if best would overlap the optimism I'm trying to build up in this exciting new year.

Then the morning comes, I wide awake in the half-deserted bed with a loud heart beat. Let myself laid on my back and memorized the whole room, the bicycles that neatly stand close to the left corner of the wide opened sliding door. A kick could smash them door easily, I thought to myself.
I  crawled on the bed to reach down the almost empty bottle of water and drank it up. Kept my breathe  in a good pace. Took my right hand from my stomach, laid it on my chest, counting the seconds.

It still felt wrong.

But the weather was so delightful. A cheerful sun and bright sky, a choir of singing chickens, the humming of the water pump from the small hotel next door. And the fact that it is another Saturday morning somehow remind me there's should be nothing can make me feel bad for anything.

I stripped off the thinning curiosity as I jumped from the bed and stood in my wrinkled underwear, made up the bed and sat down on the edge of it, clicked on my inbox: Alright!

There you have it, i said under my breath as my eyes followed the few lines.

'Alright,' I said for the second time in the last ten seconds, read the message a few more times although I completely understand its message. I read it again, this time stop at every sentence, read it aloud in my mind while tried to analyzed my real reaction to it.

Don't quite know why but the song below suddenly roaming its tunes in my head. Maybe I Googled the just released video alot a few days ago.

And it has no correlation to what I have in mind regarding the message and what it implies.

I said nothing but another 'Alright' and went downstairs to hit the shower.

Skipped the breakfast simply because there was nothing much to eat. I took the powder milk and drank a small glass of warm milk, tried to keep my head catching up with the weekend mood.

It came when I was silently sitting in the backseat of the scooter, 'Why am I not consummated with the usual anxiety?'

What's gonna happen next now that I finally have the strength & will to say, 'I am accepting the reality and taking myself into the very present of the situation, ready for whatever consequences will be!'

I find comfort inside and I shall start from there.

As bitter as it might gets, I got love and passion that go well-deservedly to each of them.  Shall there be a good bye, they will be a part of my wonderful past I'd recall with a warm feeling that washes over my heart.

And for now, I'm about to leave the office and will take a comfortable sitting position on the table outside the bedroom, cheer me up with some singing, beers, and the possible rain that I will surely celebrate with smiles.

Attention!! Snooki is NOT Dead!

C'mon folks! Who led you to this blog for a misled news of the girl above?  I noticed that there have been lots of readers stumble upon here. And my post you happened to read is about my died dog Snookie, there's an 'e' on the end of the name.

Now, shall we watch the new Fist Pumping season of Jersey Shore?!

Love Never Fails You

Please take a listen to the song below before you proceed to read the rest of this entry.

The song pretty sums up what my heart beliefs.

When it comes to Love, I'm not looking for Perfection.

Yes, I have been afraid of getting into the cycle of inconvenient of What-If-It-Ends.
I was afraid of Intimacy.
Rejection will always be there like a noticeable thin air that blows in my dry sun-burned skin.
Jealousy and Prejudice are the never ending lesson to learn.
Understanding and Patience always trying to knock some sense to my Ego.
Hopes and Logic will keep me standing steady on the ground when I am carried away with a flood of painful truth.


Love, however, is one small piece that I can provide with no second guesses. Until He stands there and returns my Yes.

Life teaches me priceless lessons both in good times and adversaries.
Time gives me chances to think and to be ready for what comes along with Love and Commitment.

Above all, I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all. And Love is what I celebrate everyday, always.

Music, Food, Sex, Please, don't give me Zodiac

I don't read any Horoscope craps except the ones from America's Finest News Source simply because they are simply giving the bestest kickass invaluable shits jokes.

Wanna know what your sign says this week, find it here!

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Raise Your Glass to 2011

31 December 10: We hit the rainy road to a small Cafe named Jazz Cafe, a favorite place for some old people where the basic move is erratic chicken dance . We came in a large group and that small placed was shrank in sweat backs and flapping hands. We had to stood on our feet waited for a deserted gazebo or table. I didn't fall for the oldies music that I bet are played/sang every night until a glass of drink and another glass of white wine kicked in.

 'Four...Five...Three...Two...One..!!'

I ran to the crowded floor, joined Udin and Olivier who had been dancing like there is no tomorrow.
Jumped, hands up, stupid grin plastered on my face, we danced the hour away. The rest of them friend came soon...we thumped, jumped, flapped, bent...smiled at strangers' happy faces next to me and sang along with the Dancing Queen and another string of Oldies I never bothered to know the lyrics. This White lady was totally wasted but her moves and excitement was so contagious!

I jumped onto the bed at two, ran my fingers on my hair, felt the wet from the rain mixed with my own sweat. No much alcohol for tonite, texting New Years greeting would be the last thing I'd do before get some sleep.

I sent away tens of personalized texts, one to someone I had never tried to contact, and another one whose name I am not familiar with, at all. Surprisingly, both of them sent back some hugs and kisses.

New Year is indeed promising more (positive) changes, chances, hopes, and goals to reach, and new thing to find out in the next 365 days.

Things I just I learned  on January 1, 2011:

• Comedy Central has changed their logo.
• I digg Lounge music
• Everyone at home hold a similar slightly incorrect idea: I only go for Classical music. One of them pulled off Drunkard Opera singer last nite telling it was the typical me. They were surprised to find some Dance tracks on my Ipod. 
• Green's mom was rushed back to the hospital last nite (May God gives her a speed recovery.)
• Last but not least, I have much hard work to work on my flaws.
• I am gonna to reconnect with some friends whom I either deliberately or not left behind in the past.

I thank Jesus for the chances that are wide open for me this year. I thank Mom, Renata, Nenny for being an awesome family. Thanks to Heino&Sjoerd, Bote&Joop, Servaas, David Price, David Gapper-Hampson, David Hutchinson, Adam Verscurren, Fairoz Kareem, Orlando Bassi, Komang Pande, Udin, Putu, Ibu Sri, Alfian, Green Tuphank, Lamro Sirait,  Alistair, Swandy, Clarck Curwin, Tomy Saunders, Dewi SR, Linda Silaban, Tika Silaban, Thamrin Silaban, Kritink, Cee, Rudy Sitompul,  Ellie Aritonang, Sina Sclahtter, Anna Schlatter, David Gautney, James, Cornè. These people had enriched my life and I am grateful for their incredible love and supports through the years.