Thursday, October 7, 2010

Not now, not yet.

I can hear the hesitation in her hallo.  She is not a faker, much less someone who is capable of longer-than-a-minute bullshit talk. After we're over with the trivial questions, I let her take some moments to pick the right words.

Her words were floating around my sickening heart, each sentence had its much coveted failed cheerfulness.

For the very first time, she, my beloved eldest sister confided me her widening path of confusion, overlapped with one-sided disappointment.  Her less-traveled love life burdens crawled onto my heart, it fees painful yet a bit strange when you get such inconvenience truth from people you care so much.

Give yourself some time,  I pleaded. I can imagine how her fair complexion roamed in confusion and sadness, recounting the discouraging events in the last few weeks.

Marriage is not the answer, I added, there was only a heavy breath from the other line, you're taking a chance for love only with the man who takes charge of his life and takes you for real.

I wanted to hold her.

She slipped her hearty laugh, the heavy sound of her own feet jumped out of the bed to open the front foor and said something that was meant for my second older sister who has just come from work. I listened to their thick Sibolgan accent.

Maybe she's had enough talking about her life, she soon wore her cheerful voice and wanted to return the favor by asking how am I doing. 

I would never ever lay any of them to their full chores in life. She uttered a word I had never expected she'd try to use, girlfriend. 

Maybe my parents has kept it from my sisters. Maybe she doesn't want to confront me with the real questions. Maybe none of us really interested in blatant confession, not me. Not now.

But, they all knew it for sure.

I told her I haven't met a real deal until now and they should not hold their breath to hear any names of someone I'd introduce.

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