Monday, August 9, 2010

If you knew me

I am speechless.
Because the days is either passing by so fast or taking such a painfully slow pace. Because weekends and weekdays have too many things in common that I am no longer able to find the difference a date from the previous or the next one. The salty food doesnt make me grab the water right away nor the super sweet cake makes me go white. The most inconvenience thing is when i have to witness or listen what people i know and care for are having a desperately bad thing or a number of shiteous things at once-and find myself go numb and fail to rake the deepest part of my brain to put them at ease. Here's the fact, one...three friends of mine are literally caught themselves in a real dilemma, no, that ain't the real word.

I spared some considerable time online getting to know new people, friendship always gives me an energizing boost in living the life. Most end up in a sigh, a long exhale which carries a half-hearted sick confession that it would not work out well. And there was this dude, he seemed sincere and friendly, again...I grasped the hope that there Are good people out there I can literally embrace into my life.

Mom called me this morning gave updates like the died puppies, the wedding of a cousin, the sick auntie, the worsening fishery business she's mainly depend on for earning, the new priest at the church, all wrapped in her familiar Sibolgan delightful accent.

I dont sleep, my mind keeps on racing, picks up a flash of thought one at a time. Lying on my back, resting my temple on my hands, burying my face on the brown sofa, sleeping on my side, everything just reminds me my heart is pumping loudly and I haven't been yawned at all but i started to feel my body withered.

At 3 am I stared blankly at the computer screen, the cast of the Real Word New Orleans on MTV were having a hysterical moment over a small cockroach.

It's 3:48 am, early Monday morning. In a matter of a few minutes I will get all set and go to catch my flight to Singapore.

And I am gonna wear a smile on my face, stuff my heart with the same enthusiasm and hope, pray I will be just fine...and most of all, please lemme see those people I care get back to their feet and live better.