Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Last week on the road

I stared at that darkening sky with uncertain impression whether I was making the worst out of it, or, as I prefer to believe, I was simply taking some time on my own.

You know, while dragging my worn out feet, I kept on trying to come up with a reasonable excuse to their possible questions of why I left off them at the building and took two-hour walk home.

I looked out at the road which looked all the same on each turn  while tried to shake off the scattered thoughts on my head.

I stopped at a crossroad, caught in confusion both of which direction I should take and how should I see the current situation. I did not recognize the long road, not the big bridge, nor the line of small, poorly built shops along the road--not even know how exactly how I felt at that moment besides being tired. I had never had taken such a long walk in ages. Or, lost.

I kept on walking, wanted to drench my thirst on something ice-cold, sweat: Sprite. I walked another minutes, another rounds of barks from the dogs along the way. On my first stop, the shopkeeper said she only has Coke, Coke Zero, and stuffs. On my second stop, the lady overpriced it.

A phonecall, I didn't answer.

Sweat stained my forehead and back, armpits and palms, while the black shoes from my ex were turned dusty white, and i needed to hit the restroom.

Worn out and overwhelmed by my starvation, I am happy for going through this wacky way because it helped me coming home with a bitter realization:  I  can be wiser.

The feeling of being needed doesn't worth it. What is going on around me...I can only make it better, and i am doing this not for my own sake. If the sense of belonging has not firmly established, embracing these people with a warm, accepting heart will do.