Sunday 11: 44 pm, my body is confused as my mind is wondering is there anything else I should've done before I call it a day. The taste of the chocolate condensed milk is still so thick on my dry lips...The raw memory of what had just happened yesterday is still taking most of my mind....and the gratefulness for what life has given me are becoming my greatest excuse to say No to my constant fear for getting back to the point where I start questioning myself, What is exactly are you doing here?
I've witnessed and got first-hand experience of unbelievable warmth of friendship and trust from new people I've met in this new place. It is so overwhelming that I have told myself, over and over again, You are not alone! They are not only embracing me into their lives but also into their hearts, showing me how precious life can be.
This is not perfect but I can tell you one thing: this is so wonderful! For the first time I can let go my long-kept self oath: 'Trust No One." That skepticism which had born from years of silence bitterness from how cold people had treated my...well, it was the past I should've buried the day Mom and all of us let him go.
So, this is the moment when I will express my gratitude and love to people who have been enriching my life.
Jesus: For. Every. Thing.
Mom, Renata, Nenny; you guys might have been wondering why I'm taking such a long distance and giving less detail about my life yet you all have a faith in me and encourage me, anyhow.
Servaas: you are an AWESOME friend, always!
Louis Labreque: Tons of thank you for the cheerfulness!
Heino and Sjoerd: You guys had helped me like ALOT and it's always amazed me.
Mike Jansen: Let's keep this great friendship!
Ricky Hughes, Jerry Fetterly, Pascal Kloer, Alistair, Green, Ei Lamjamot, Lammy, Green, Komang, Udin, Putu, Mrs. Sri, Swandi, Tomy: this has been a colorful year.
Orlando Bassi: Sincerely thank you for everything and for the generosity.
Sina: I cant believe I find such a beautiful friendship in you. Thank you so much! I am so lucky to know you.
Ziska & Alexander: thank you for being great friends and (Ziska:) your never-ending constructive helps at work is highly appreciated.
Rini, Patmos, Linda, Mindo, Muti, Uli, Tika, Asi: you guys ROCK!
Another thank-you goes to Sina for giving me a very powerful message from Charlie Chaplin she's been keeping, which, in fact, always become handy when I need an assurance in life:
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY“.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT“.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that
surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “Maturity“.
surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “Maturity“.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE“.
As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY“.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF“.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY“.
Happy Birthday to me.
