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Ignorance has always been my worst enemy…
I had spent many nights, I’m afraid to count, brooding over all the possibilities; taking all the bits pieces of unpleasant small details, facts, reasons.
I’m not making [any significant] progress nor great changes so far; almost two months now and counting.
I’ve had only one job interview, and a rather less disappointing email respond from one recent company that says He had just finished the job interview and thanked me for my interest.
Last nite was not much different. I woken up by the same urging anxiety, What am I gonna do, now?
I let the darkness of the night invading the silent space. I laid on my back on the old hard mattress tried to detach myself from my disturbing mind and self, tried to take comfort from the harshness and terror of the unexpected windy rain that splahed hard my glass windows on the wall above my head.
I woke up at four am. The rain’s gone. I wish it would’ve stayed till the sun rises up.
Silence. No, there was one TV on all night from the room on the other end of the house, belong to this fair skinned good smiley housemate. He worked midnite shift this week so it must’ve been his friend who stayed inside. I listened intently. There was this energetic deep voice of a woman, talked in such hurry yet sounded as if she was reading a long monologue poem. I wasn’t interested at all to know what it was all about but then my ears caught she had just said some verses from the Book of Luke. I buried my face to the naked mattress and fell asleep.
Took a bath at six am, I prepared myself for the day: Library. Standing outside the house, I noticed the earth was fresh and wet, looked up above, I smiled, glad to know that we were having our first shower in the month of December, as if it was the highly anticipated first snow. The air was fresh, the small concrete path was abandoned, only two fat secondary students with bitter expression on their faces stood outside their house. I stopped by at the internet café first, checked emails with the same yet less expectant heart, just in case one of them companies responded to my appl email. None.
I googled cruise ship vacancy ads, there are some openings. This has been one of my plans; devoting myself to some years of cruise ship job to save up some money and gain some working experience before I finally try to find a job abroad [Europe or Canada] and settle down, spend the rest of my life there.
The excitement of the plan washed me over yet I know this is kind of hard. I’ve got to take one year study and if I’m lucky enough, would be able to land myself a job aboard a cruise ship soon after that.
I made some calculation after checked out two tourism school websites. The approximate school fee is 9-10 million rupiah. Rent room, vehicle [this is something I’ve got to have soon or later, anyhow] food and all will cost me additional crazy figures. It has never been easy, life.
I paid my internet bill and walked my way to the library, got into the same cycle of road routes, sweat all over my body, and greetings to the deposit man.
This time, there were less visitors. I took the closest seat to the exit door, avoided the airflow from the aircond which always makes me sleepy. I took one volumnious book and another much thinner collected-stories book, tried to make the most out of it.
Then my mobile let out the text message tune. I fished my right hand into my jeans pocket and saw there was one incoming MMS (picture message) from unknown number. Unfortunately, my phone is not a sophisticated one, it cannot access it. I sent a text message to the sender, Thanks for the MMS, I can’t open it. Who is this?
Soon, I received a fail delivery report. Odd. Then, for the next few minutes, whoever the sender is, sent me another five MMS. I ignored it, resumed my reading until a woman in civil servant uniform came in and sat next to me, observed me. I avoid her eyes and fixed my eyes to the book, even when what seemed to be her male coleague took some photos of the room and myself, well, maybe not necessarily of myself, but the flash were hit my face. Whatev, I told myself.
I left the building 40 minutes before it closed, my growling stomach and a light headache reminded me my late lunch time. The sun was a bit fierce but I am more concerned about the text message I got earlier from O who said he has a two or three-week job for me in his company in Ubud. I am glad to get this news eventhough I am more expecting a more stable, non temporary job so I can move to the closest housing to the work and make a good start. But O is more than super generous for offering me the job which I dunno yet. He’d be back in Bali tomorrow. When he gets time and contacts me, I will ask for a talk, discussion, before make a decision.
The problem is that my room rent is due this Saturday while O says I’ve got to stay Near the work place if I’d take that job. For two or three weeks. That means I’m gonna pay my rent in Denpasar while I’ve gotta find a room to rent in Ubud; another rent payment. Perrrrfecto.
Still, I’m thinking of taking the job, anyhow. I’m in double shit, hallelujah.
