It was only a few days before 24 Dec I was overly washed away with Christmas-loneliness-panic-attack syndrome. I literally put aside my nite rest and drowned with never-ending thoughts of my virginal Christmas on this island.
'Shit, I surely would stuff my mouth with lots of beer and slither around in my [bed]room,' I hummed to myself. It was after two in the morning of last Tuesday. I wished It were raining. Wished Yan's girlfriend stick to her plan of spending that nite at her own place instead of gave me a soundtrack of orgasm from next room, which made me sick to my stomach.
Wed 23 Dec, I woke up and threw a hateful look at the empty bathroom, No water for bath. Another hour of waiting. More hours of over-worked laughter of that girlfriend. 'Do I hate her. Really?'
'Why?'
I dont know. I'm not even sure I hate her because I hardly know her except threw my eyes at some of her mobile-phone-taken photos on Yan's room, 'My **** is so good to me,'Yan had said with such lovestruck face when I asked what's her name.
I stormed around Denpasar, as far as my weak feet allowed me to. All morning. I went to the closest bookstore only to find I hate it more. It never has any new [English] stuff since I'd moved here.
On my way home, I stopped by at my usual food stall, welcomed by the Chinese looking woman, 'Take home order?'
'We'll be closed tomorrow,' she informed me while she was picking up a few portion of each stuffs with her special fork, 'Christmas.'
'Ah,' I said, smiled at her.
As if my respond gave her decrypted info of my own religion, she asked, 'What church do you go to?'
I picked one name. Lied. And it gave her a funny effect; she stuffed me more chicken meat than usual.
I went back home, not because I really wanted to eat my super late lunch, but because I've run out of place to run to. Yan and Andi were in their room, doors widely opened, the same noise came out from their TVs made the house looked more unwelcome. Why cant they offer the volume just for their convenience ears, let the next room suffer in their solemnity.
I laid flat on my back on the heated floor of my room, closed my eyes and absorbed the few minutes of breath and the noise from another rooms which seemed competing each other. My feet were sore. The Nasi Campur on the table, the silver radio, the old books, then looked back at the food.
Then someone Saved my life, I mean, Day.
Orlando and friends picked me up that eve on their way to do grocery shop in Kuta. I sat between U and S in the back seat. It felt good, the idea of someone invited me over for Christmas.
24 Dec's morning was not that impressive. Some cast of dark clouds showed up but the preparation of food and tables and stuffs were completed before seven pm. I found myself excited, Christmas with thirty people? Sounds cool!
Later on that eve, after seven, I found myself walking to and fro outside the front yard, talking to my mobile. For quite a long time.
First, it was mom. She was glad I called, 'Been expecting your phone call, hon,' she said.
It was raining very hard in my hometown. She soaked wet from town taking waste food from the restaurants. Renata was feeding the pigs and coldnt talk to me. 'I caught cold,' she said then coughed a couple of times then I recognized the difference in her voice.
She cried the nite before, Wed. She found herself alone that night when they were supposed to have this family Xmas Service at home, 'Both of your sisters worked on afternoon shift so I went to your auntie's only to find out your uncle went to sell one pig.'
Then she cried on the phone made my face reddened from embarrassment eventhough no one around me, 'Mom, I know you wanted me to be there but what really matters now is that everyone's okay.'
'Don't preach me,' she said. I looked around, some stood around the BBQ spot while some on the porch, lived up the evening. Then her cheerful tone took over her when she informed me Nenny has bought a motorcycle, 'She borrowed my money, "I'd rather pay the interest loan for you than to the Showroom."'
We laughed a bit. It was so good to know she finally get what she had been planning for years. 'Now, you should learn to ride it, mom,' I said. We broke out more laughter, somehow, I am glad she kind of forgot her melancholic feeling a moment ago, 'Don't be silly. I'm too old to be laugh at!' she said between her vigorous laugh. We said Merry Christmas more than four times because both of us were hesitated to end up the call.
Then I dialled Rini's number. We laughed alot because I teased her about her Marriage which will be held next Monday in her hometown.
'You're giving me doube shit! You cant send me any Xmas present and you also cannot get your ass over here to smirk at me on my wedding day.'
She fell silent for a while when I answered her curiosity of my own life, 'I broke up,' without having her necessarily knows it was a He, not a She.
'What's her name?'
'None of it matters anymore, rite?' I replied. Then she mentioned about this person she knows who works and lives in Legian. I didnt ask that person's name, dont even know if it's female or male, but I take it as a matchmaking effort from her. I shake it off.
The next one was Ellie. We talked longer as if we hadnt talked earlier that day for hours. She seemed happy with the plan of attending this Charismatic open-field Christmas worship, followed by Durian nite at her place with her coupled housemates. 'I hate you, really,' I said, when she kept on teasing me about the Durian.
Cee never picked up my call[s] Instead, I got a text saying,'Boss, I'm at church.' I kind of figured that out, I said to myself, walked closer to the crowd around the BBQ.
After the dinner, I joined the male group sitting on the front porch, grabbed three cans of beer then realized I was not sober enough to make any smart conversation with anyone. I simply stared and observed each person, laughed along with their jokes though sometimes I didnt find them funny enough. I stopped laughing when I heard this stupid laughter of mine. I sat still with my back up against the wall, fixed my stare at the hanging small lights and the artificial snow that had been worked out from upstairs. Some were excitedly took some pics. I heard laughter, more jokes, more people came. And I grew more silent, beaten out only by three can of beers.
I walked inside into the living room where by now, has taken the central attention, The sliced cakes were distributed. I smiled andsaid no, thanks to Orlando when he passed me the plate where I saw there were still some more slices, instead, reached out for two slices of red watermelon for no reason.
I went upstairs, took a long cold shower, sang This song over and over again until I dried myself with the red big towel. Couldn't sleep for a while and woke up this morning with a hangover, slight headache.
