With a cold sweat, I finally able to sleep after three in the morning last Sunday, the room is foolishly too big for my, I'm telling you, especially when the only light is either from the light outside--on the road, or from the closed door bathroom 4 meters from the king sized bed, my feet widely/wildly seperated from each other, face buried in the pillow tried to think anything that can drag me to sleep, anything. And it was the moment I wish I could be more imaginative because all I could ever thought about was shitty things like ghosts and deaths and sex, combinations to complicate my acutely lonely days.
You're pathetic, I said to myself which led me to more unintellectual imaginations. I grabbed the TV remote and tuned into Baby TV, Good Night Hug is always on air these kind of time, the soothing classical music helped me to stay awake for more hundreds of seconds.
The best moment was the next early morning, it was raining and dark even after nine in the morning which looked more like six in the evening. I was woken up by the morning shift girl shouted my name from outside the building, the helmet basically ate up her small head. Complaining why on earth should we work on Independence Day, she fromatting the PCs half-heartedly, and it's bloody raining, she went on, begging for my approval and sad expression.She imagined going out to the cold highland Berastagi with her hunk, or, off to the Bazaar downtown, there's gotta be some nice clothes to buy, she whined.
Mom.
I've gotta speak to her.
I dialled Nenny's, there's not even dialling tone.
Dialled Renata's, she answered in such a rush, call Nenny's Stop I'm on the way Stop. Okay? Stop
I can only say Sure, thanks.
Dialled Nenny's again, this time it worked. She picked up kind of slow, let out a lazy Halo and How are you.
Five Minutes Courtesy Talk followed by mom's voice, excited.
Happy Birthday Mom!! I used my best/most enthustiastically excited voice, imagining myself standing in front of her empty handedly and feeling a bit guilty for that. Thank you, she said followed by a short pause before I let out a small nervous laugh. She then went on talking something out of Birthday-related stuffs like You know what, we were excorted by a dumbass driver, we got lost downtown (Medan,) she said dramatically but there was a happy sigh and chuckles along the way, so I said we got off here and he was like, do you know where are you going? and i was like, dude, I'm living here (of course, she lied,) and I led the small group, your Auntie Boston, Auntie Eva, and Auntie Thamrin to your Auntie Titok's house.
I laughed and had to wait till she finished with their Unfortunate One Day Medan Wedding Bus Adventure to ask what'd she do for her Birthday, We had fried noodle for breakfast, she replied. She has this habit of cooking occassional menu for this kind of day as if fried noodle is out of ordinary. But then, thanks to her super careful budget managemnet that we could literally survive during the hardships when the late Dad was still alive and healthy. And I'm going to see the Independence ceremony downtown, hopefully will meet up with old friends, she said.
Um, I'm sorry I couldn't see you when you were in town and i'm so sorry for not giving you anything for your birthday, I said without expecting any answer from her but she did said It's Ok, son.
The fact is we don't have celebrative birthday tradition since our childhood, I've never had run to the neighorhoods with cute small Bithday invitation cards like I'd used to get from more fortunate kids. Mom, he has such awsome shoes, I'd said once to mom on one given elementary school Christmas celebartion ayt a church, I kept looking at this boy's shoes which had colored rhythmic lights everytime they touched the earth. As the time went on and more kids showed up, I saw more and more lighted shoes. But I perfectly knew and understood that I simply hurt myself with such hopes/thoughts. So does mom, she never gives herself any birthday present. Anyhow, I have never had this feeling of missed out beautiful chidlhood because of the lack of money and posessions.
But you can take the money transfer tomorrow, finally i could tell her the good news, you know, buy some nice foods for you guys and buy yourself something something, I said with undeniably good feeling washed away my melancholic mood because of the rain, work and all.
I hang up the phone and went on with my usual stuffs, and felt good though later that evening, I ended up sleeping after one in the moring. Life is beautiful no matter how sucks it is to be a little bit lonely. Life is simply good. It is.
