Se[x] tips from a friend

I've just received an email from a great friend of mine from the States; a reply to my previous email when he'd asked me what changes took place in my 26. In response to my last reply, here's the list of tips he'd convinced me would work the best:

1. When it rains, stick your dick out a window and pretend you are having anonymous oral sex
2. Borrow a car or motorbike and go to a public carwash where they have those powerful industrial vacuum cleaners with incredible suction power. Stick the hose down your pants and let the vacuum be your temporary lover.
3. Cover your sex organ with honey and lay on the ground, pretending you are Gulliver in the land of Lilliputians, and the ants crawling all over you are thousands of little people giving you tiny blowjobs.

Or, you can just get a bf.

Thanks, Rick. That's sweet.